Breathe

There are some/a lot of people that will say that no one wants to be alone. Humans aren’t made for being alone. We rely on each other (to an extent) for survival. I also believe in that. And being a 22 year old millennial, the pressure seems be on for finding a significant other, get married, and have kids by the time I’m 25.

I’m kidding, kinda.

The pressure is there, mainly from society/social media/what’s the difference. But I’m only 22. I still have, what, another two or three decades to live? (That’s just my honest guess because I’m not the healthiest being alive; let’s not stray from our current topic though) Funny thing is, I’m alright being “alone” for the time being. Because I’m not truly “alone.” I have my friends and family that I love dearly and love me dearly as well, and that’s great. Okay, true; sometimes I do wish that I have a boyfriend because there is that special sense of comfort that they can give you when you’re stressed out, anxious, and etc. Honestly, this post from Elite Daily can inform you more on what I’m talking about: click here.

But, I mean, there are some perks. For me, since I fall into the category of being an introvert, I will also feel antisocial from time to time. It’s just now I am. There’s nothing “wrong” necessarily, I just enjoy spending time by myself.

Also, I’m about to graduate college in two semesters (hopefully) so I don’t know where I will end up afterwards. That thought alone is stressful, but at least I don’t have the added on stress of whether or not my significant other and I will stay together or end our relationship. Reason being, people change; therefore, opinions can change.

And with me, I find that my time is valuable (your time is valuable, too). I have a lot on my plate this coming fall semester, yet I will still make time for those I care about. In the past, I’ve given my time and put in effort to the wrong people. Those are things I can’t take back. I’ve made mistakes and am learning to do what’s best for me and my future. That’s all you can do in such a situation.

Now on the other hand, my best friend/roommate believes to have found someone that she will spend the rest of her life with, and for that I am happy for her. I truly am. I’ve realized that we just have two different paths on where life is taking us, and that’s okay.

Our schedules used to match up for everything so we would see each other all the time. But since the summer, our schedules have become somewhat different so we don’t see each other as often anymore. She’s either working when I’m not working or vise versa. We at least are able to see each other most nights and have dinner together. That’s when we would usually talk about our days and watch Korean dramas or do facials. We have been living together for a few months now. She’s probably the only person that understands my quirks for me to be comfortable enough to live with. It’s been fun living with her. I’ve had to go through two bad roommates before getting to have a good roommate like her. There are times where she goes back to her family to visit on the weekends. I admit I get a little lonely, but during those times, I am able to reenergize so it’s no big deal.

However, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. Very recently, our relationship as best friends and roommates could’ve been ruined. She shared some things that she’s kept bottled up that did insult me (please understand that I want to keep these details private). I feel like we could’ve turned into those roommates that were once best friends, but aren’t friends anymore. It was all going to be based on how I reacted in such a situation.

Understand that we rarely ever fight- in fact, we actually only had one fight in our friendship which was resolved after a crying fest. I was insulted by the way she had worded some things, but more than that, I was hurt that she didn’t say anything sooner for us to put our brains together to resolve the issue.

I thought that things just wouldn’t be the same anymore because there would be passive aggressive tension between us. And after awhile, we would just stop being friends. Of course, I didn’t like the thought of that at all.

Am I really going to let such a small problem ruin the friendship we have?  Is this one problem more important than the crazy adventures together? Is it more important than the times we were there for each other through our times in need? Is it really worth throwing away our entire friendship over? No. Of course not.

I had to think outside of our own perspectives. It was not that she didn’t trust me, it was because she trusted me that she confronted me, even if it was a little late. She trusts me enough to be vulnerable towards me (that’s how any good relationship should be- whether it be with a friend, family, or significant other. At least it is in my opinion).

I knew she was scared, I mean who wouldn’t be? But there’s no way I was going to lose my friendship with her over something so small. It amazes me, but I was able to take a breath and let her know that things are genuinely okay between us. I was able to let go of the feeling of being insulted and hurt so easily. For those of you who don’t know me personally, that’s not something I do often.

We’re fine now, in case you were wondering. She can’t get rid of me that easily, haha. Not only that, but there have been a couple of bumps in the road that I’m facing right now. It has gotten me stressed out and tired from thinking about it so much. And I feel like if I am able to help her and resolve the situation between us, then I can slowly try to conquer the bigger problems.

I guess that’s the real purpose of this post; focusing on the bigger picture. It’s something that I find hard to do since I worry about every little thing. But I’m trying to learn how to take a step back, breathe, and remember what’s really important. If you can, try to not let little problems become bigger ones. Because you may end up lose more than what you bargained for.

*Note that it’s currently almost 2:00AM, which is beyond pass the time I told myself I would try to sleep at. So if this post is all over the place, oops.

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